As of late, my sexual mantra has been, “Whatever you’re into, you’re not weird.” Don’t get me wrong on that one. Hearing that someone likes bugs crushed on them or that they get off by thinking about cutting holes in bodies isn’t the norm. And I’m not going to say I will ever be into pooping on anyone. All I am saying is that the Internet has taught me fairly well that if you can think of some form of kink or fetish, there’s probably someone else out there who’s into it.
People’s sexual fetishes are often hard-wired into them by sense memory. I know a man who loves the sound of fabric ripping because the first image that aroused him was a woman in a wrestling ring ripping another woman’s shirt. There’s a woman I dated who could almost orgasm simply by being pinched because one of her high school crushes had pinched her butt once as a joke.
Then there are people with extreme fantasies that involve violence or breaking the law. There are people who cope with abuses by re-enacting abuse situations. There are people who get turned on by the the smell of cologne or the feel of a fabric they associate with mom or dad. All of these fantasies can be explained upon examination of a person’s psyche. Think of the stressed-out CEO who has to tell people what to do all day and wants to be completely dominated in bed at night.
In the case of the aspiring lawyer, the one cramming for the Bar exam, he likes to be told that he has a small penis. He doesn’t have a small penis, though. In fact, he has a fairly large penis. But he doesn’t want to hear about that. It turns him off to be told how big he is. It’s about degradation, same as the guy I dated who liked to be talked to like he was a baby. As we web-chat, I find out that he rarely shares this fetish with people, and that even when he does, he has trouble finding a woman who will participate. The women feel silly and can’t quite bring themselves to get into this game. Because of that, his relationships are short-lived. Either he tells them and they can’t get past it, or he has keeps it a secret and is left unfulfilled.
This guy was a stranger when we started talking and grew more comfortable opening up because of the Internet’s veil of anonymity. I found myself wishing that more people in relationships would feel comfortable enough with their partner to tell them what they like. If mutual respect is there, both partners could get to a place where they are able to role play their fantasies and prevent issues like a partner seeking out affairs to fulfill those desires.
My late-night chat friend still says hello from time to time, but I am now in a monogamous relationship and have told him that I can’t sit around telling him how small his penis is anymore. My hope for him is that his experience with me has helped him feel more at ease with himself going forward and that he can find a lover who will accept and even enjoy his kink. Maybe she’ll have her own special interest and they can play around with that one, too. And my hope in writing this is that those of you who read it will come away feeling a lot more at ease about your own kinks.
True Blood star Anna Paquin has revealed she is bisexual for the first time.
The New Zealand-raised actress, who is engaged to her True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, 'comes out' in a new TV campaign for equality.
Speaking in the public service announcement (PSA) for the True Colors Fund's Give A Damn campaign, Paquin says: 'I'm Anna Paquin. I'm bisexual and I give a damn.'
Paquin, 27, features in the ad alongside fellow celebrities, including Cyndi Lauper, Sir Elton John, Sharon Osbourne and Whoopi Goldberg, who urge people to be more tolerant of others' sexual orientation.
She continues: '... because one hate crime is approximately committed every hour of every day in this country.'
Paquin, who won an Oscar when she was 11 for The Piano, made the revelation during the taping of advert on January 30, surprising those around her, who were unaware she would make such an announcement.
The True Colors Fund is an American organisation which strives for equal rights for people who are gay, straight, bisexual or transgendered.
In the announcement, Elton - who revealed his sexuality in the Eighties - says: 'Imagine walking down the street and wondering if this is the day you'll get beaten up, or even killed, simply because of who you are.'
The ad also features lesbian comedienne Wanda Sykes, who came out at a same-sex rally in California two years ago.
Paquin, who plays telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse in the hit vampire drama, has been in a relationship with Moyer since 2007 before getting engaged last year.
